Seemed to be in my dad‘s Stainglass workshop, attending some lecture/interview event organized by Gordon White. Whoever he was going to feature was a somebody in the esoteric community. It seems to just be a small gathering, maybe five or six people. Gordon suddenly seemed to get information, possibly about the guest speaker, And kind of turned to me as I was closest to him sitting to his right, and said ruefully that he was going to pass, that is die, soon. It was not delivered as being tragic, but definitely rueful. Just after this, as we were about to start, we suddenly got word that upwards on 100 people were also coming for this event. It had just gotten a lot bigger. I got up and moved my chair back, in a “We have to make room, open up the circle” kind of away (although the room we seemed to be in could never fit that many people).
Not sure if I stayed for the whole event, but next I was leaving that venue walking out into what looked like a larger area, possibly for a larger event of which this gathering has been a part - i.e., it did not look like part of my childhood home anymore. I was apparently headed off somewhere.
- - -
Earlier a dream of being in an interior space, at school or university, and seeing a faculty member show up. She was a female professor, and apparently teaching one of my classes which I had failed to attend during the semester. Instead of just being aware of that and feeling guilty and ashamed, here the actual professor showed up and matter-of-factly proceeded to advise me to drop the class, and she could do it for me immediately. As in, there was no way I could suddenly now complete all the work and assignments that I would need to pass. She wasn’t even angry, just matter of fact.
I felt kind of bad about it, but I think, realize there was nothing to be done at this point. I would have to retake that, or a similar class, as I simply had no motivation to do the work for that class.
Shortly thereafter, I saw my dad and I somewhat guiltily mentioned that I'd just essentially wasted or cost us at least a grand, as I’d have to retake the course. He did not seem to be visibly upset, not thrilled, but did not act visibly upset.
I myself wasn’t actively as upset as I might have expected either, more like too tired or dysfunctional to get that emotional. Presumably why I'd given up on the class.
- - -
Vague impression of traveling somewhere out in public, in a somewhat urban area, but with some nice landscaping perhaps. May have been on a bus. May have been going to retrieve something, perhaps a bicycle, that I had left somewhere. It had to be retrieved. There was a sense of not being sure how long it would take to get to the location, worrying about successfully retrieving said object, ect.
Tags:
- death,
- dreams,
- esoteric,
- failure,
- gordon white,
- guilt,
- inadequacy,
- retrieval,
- ruefulness,
- shame,
- travel,
- uni,
- unmotivated
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