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Why did I invest so much Meaning into the online friendship I had with a couple of people I've since become quite estranged from, so that I'm still scratching my head over what happened to this day, months after I broke away from them, and had even asked them at one point not to contact me any more? (Though I did decide later to re-activate that avenue of communication, e-mail, should it be deemed necessary for us communicate in future. More Fool me.)
Oh yes; non-mainstream spiritual beliefs that we all were exploring were involved, a bit of paradigm shifting, this and that. And possible shared trauma, though I remain less than 100% certain now that it all happened as we thought it did at the time.
All I can think is that it'd been so long since I'd 'clicked' with someone as quickly as I did with them when we first 'met' online, so that it then smarted extra much to wrench myself away from them. I suppose it hurt for all involved when we realized we didn't have as much in common as we'd assumed when we'd first 'met'. But in the end, we spent many more months pissing each other off than we did in that initial lovey-dovey we'llbefriendsforever 'honeymoon' period of about half a year. I did the math.
It didn't help that I felt jealous when two of the other people got to meet in real life, and hit it off so well they became roomies.
And it really didn't help when I saw a pattern of attitude, a way of looking at the world that I'd for a time had shared, but later rejected. And I'm not even talking about the 'alternative spiritual' stuff.
I suspect my ex-friends would like to pin our estrangement soley down to a) my jealousy, or b) the fact that my spiritual beliefs later shifted slightly away from their own.
Sorry. Ain't quite that simple.
The only other thing I have to say is this: People can't accept all the credit for what they like about their life...while laying the blame for whatever they are dissatisfied about...soley with someone(s) else.
You can't have it both ways.
It was the evidence of denial-ridden havetheircakeandeeatittoo attitudes like that one that contributed much to my withdrawal. I am becoming ashamed of that attitude when seen in myself, and will no longer tolerate it, unchallenged, in others.
There comes a time when one must be more than just the perennial victim of someone, anyone else.
That doesn't mean to 'take all the blame' and hate onself for the vagaries and unlucky moments of life, either.
It's about BALANCE.
Oh yes; non-mainstream spiritual beliefs that we all were exploring were involved, a bit of paradigm shifting, this and that. And possible shared trauma, though I remain less than 100% certain now that it all happened as we thought it did at the time.
All I can think is that it'd been so long since I'd 'clicked' with someone as quickly as I did with them when we first 'met' online, so that it then smarted extra much to wrench myself away from them. I suppose it hurt for all involved when we realized we didn't have as much in common as we'd assumed when we'd first 'met'. But in the end, we spent many more months pissing each other off than we did in that initial lovey-dovey we'llbefriendsforever 'honeymoon' period of about half a year. I did the math.
It didn't help that I felt jealous when two of the other people got to meet in real life, and hit it off so well they became roomies.
And it really didn't help when I saw a pattern of attitude, a way of looking at the world that I'd for a time had shared, but later rejected. And I'm not even talking about the 'alternative spiritual' stuff.
I suspect my ex-friends would like to pin our estrangement soley down to a) my jealousy, or b) the fact that my spiritual beliefs later shifted slightly away from their own.
Sorry. Ain't quite that simple.
The only other thing I have to say is this: People can't accept all the credit for what they like about their life...while laying the blame for whatever they are dissatisfied about...soley with someone(s) else.
You can't have it both ways.
It was the evidence of denial-ridden havetheircakeandeeatittoo attitudes like that one that contributed much to my withdrawal. I am becoming ashamed of that attitude when seen in myself, and will no longer tolerate it, unchallenged, in others.
There comes a time when one must be more than just the perennial victim of someone, anyone else.
That doesn't mean to 'take all the blame' and hate onself for the vagaries and unlucky moments of life, either.
It's about BALANCE.
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