Depressed.

[kalibex]

I'm fat, my cat is fat (she is - just today I read you're supposed to be able to feel their ribs, and damn, is she padded). We both eat too much, and we've gotten all unbalanced - we're fat.

I've gone to Curves for over a year now, but aside from loosing a few inches, ain't lost any weight at all - I'm still eating just enough to stay at my high setpoint.

I eat quite responsibly during the day but in the evenings... I often 'binge' (binge: eat, sometimes from true hunger but usually compulsively, unneeded snacks, often carbs). Could be anything from a bagel to a few pieces of toast, to (as I did just tonight) the rest of the box of cheesits crackers, then one remaining piece of chocolate cake, plus several mugs of orange juice (which has plenty of sugar and calories itself even though it's 'healthy' - I justified that last bit due to feeling like I have a cold coming on).

I sat there and felt the craving come on, and thought: I really should just see how long I can resist this. This is were I'm supposed to have the will power, to just 'say no'.

Lasted about 10 minutes before I said 'F*ck it' and went and grabbed it. I just wanted the sensation.

And then when I was done I sat there and felt the craving come on for the remaining piece of cake. How nice it would feel. At that point I was like 'F*ck it; I ate all those crackers; what's a piece of cake on top of it?'

I'm finally able to stop now that I'm full and consumed who knows how many calories.

Don't want to know.

Comments

[drake57.livejournal.com]

Wish you wouldn't be so hard on yourself Bex

sorry have no words of inspiration or advice (like someone once told me i have no right to give anyone advice)

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

I've heard that both lean muscle and bone mass weigh more than fat does. I don't remember where I heard it (probably on some health report years and years ago), but it makes sense, since oil (Fat) floats on top of water.

So, if you've lost inches but not weight, maybe it's because you've traded fat for muscle and denser bones.

In any case, if you're really concerned about it, maybe you could have your body fat indexed measured. And whether or not it shows up on the scale, I bet you're healthier than you were a year ago.

And that's what matters.

[antikythera.livejournal.com]

Err yes, what Ann already said.

[warinbabylon.livejournal.com]

Don't be so hard on yourself, Bex.

But just remember, the more muscle you build, the more defined you are. And muscle is more dense...