kalibex

Something which felt almost like camping - being outside, though not in absolute wilderness - more like a grove. Not that far from apparent civilization. Near a paved road, I think. Might have been resting or even dozing under canopies - cats (as in domestic cats) seemed to be also lounging around with whoever 'we' were.

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Being in a vehicle being driven down a highway, and my 'mother' who I think was supposed to be steering turning away from the wheel, and me...freaking out over this. Panicking, infuriated at her for sitting there doing something else while she was supposed to be steering. I know I pulled a high holy fit over it. I obviously didn't realize she was still steering telekinetically, or perhaps on some sort of autopilot. It was my disbelief that I could warn her to pay attention to the driving and be ignored...that led to my freaking. I just...couldn't fathom it. A bit later, the 'car' had stopped and we were outside it...I think I at least tried to get it to pull over into the 'emergency lane', behind another car I saw stopped there (did I have any effect on the vehicle itself, if it responded to telepathy, or did they finally notice my fit and pull over to find out WTF was wrong?) And I know I was STILL utterly flummoxed by 'Mom's' behavior. Still fit to be tied.

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Something which may have been a 'story' rather than an actual experience - I felt even at the time it would make a suitable 'Mary Sue' fanfic, me adventuring with 'Iolaus' from the now defunct Hercules tv program. In the story we were aboard a ship, having to brave a storm and the idea was to lash ourselves to the mast a' la Ulyssess to avoid being washed overboard, yet to have knives ready to cut ourselves free if the boat started to sink. I recall thinking my character was debt-ridden, and after this huge storm (like a hurricaine), I could pretend to have died, and make a fresh life start with a new identity...

The feel was almost as if a story was being created during this - hmmm, is this a glimpse of me seeing how the Muse works? ^.^
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Current Mood: groggy
Current Music: Classical radio

Still got allergy/cold symptoms. shrug

Pulled out my sewing machine yesterday for the first time in many, many moons. Used it, and hand sewing, to alter a jumper into a sun dress. And the feeling I got while doing this was...interesting. A feeling of accomplishment I haven't felt in a long long time. I went to bed, mind racing with ideas for past sewing ideas that I now...may again have the time and motivation to do. Was quite...interesting.

Sent my folks a mail containing the 'Worst Things to Say to Someone Who Is Depressed' (a list of the usual Pull Yourself Up By Your Bootstraps-style Platitudes I got off a webpage) even though as I noted in the mail, I'm not that Down right now, even considering the worries of getting a new job. My Dad's reply sounded a trifle hurt (especially as he noted they'd both in the past said some of the stuff on the lists), so I reiterated that caring was fine, but that platitudes didn't help much, and thanked him for listing a few jobs they'd seen that I coul d apply for. Job hints are helpful, platitudes are not. I was surprised in retrospect that I sent that mail myself...but I still also have a lot of anger in me over some of their assumptions over why things have gone for me as they have over the past deca de. I hear their frustration, but I will NOT accept more than the 'fair' share of 'blame' for things. (This concept of 'fair blame' I am obsessed with.) They not only don't believe in meds for mood disorders, they don't believe in even talk therapy - they come from that generation that told them to just 'suck up and deal'. And even as I figure out how to take care of my moods myself so I don't need to depend on the psychology/psychiatry industry...I resent my folks having in effect told me numerous times to suck up and deal. And they got some of that resentment back yesterday. Hurt their feeings a bit, did it?

Now they know how I've felt so many times. That little sting you feel afterwards when you sit there, knowing someone was making a mo ral judgement of you for not having your life all together..

Current Mood: irritated
Current Music: Still Classical radio