Gotta love that imagination.

[kalibex]

I'm not the world's greatest socializer. To say the least.

So my current policy is to accept every invitation to socialize that I receive. Whether I feel overwhelmingly 'like it' or not.

That's a change from the way I used to do things. Because I see clearly now how much of my adult life I've spent staying in and cocooning. One side effect of having tendancies towards anxiety & depression. I'm sure y'all know where I'm coming from. It's that inner voice that whispers that it's just too risky to go out and push past the doubts and anxiety to meet with people you don't know; all that energy spent on what may turn out to be a lousy evening.

I used to listen to that voice all the time, and years of cocooning came and went. So persuasive and familiar was that voice that I stopped even noticing it for a long time. Just did its bidding.

There was discomfort last night, prior to making that final committment to go out. Because it was an Oscars party and the hosts wanted the guests to dress up a little to get into the spirit of things, I jumped to certain assumptions, my imagination quickly assembling this alarming picture of me being thrust in amongst somewhat higher-income strangers who, I deemed, would be scruitinizing me, judging me, and ultimately, probably looking down upon me. (Echoes from past peer abuse, mahaps? Nnnaaahhhh.....)

Turned out be a perfectly pleasant evening in an ordinary apartment, with perfectly pleasant people. To my relief, and a bit of chagrin.

But nope, no more self-castigation. Just a reminder of how our imagination and a tendancy towards catastophization will trip us up...

...if we let it.

Comments

[samantha2074.livejournal.com]

I feel like I went in the opposite direction from you. For a long time I felt some sort of obligation to be more social. However, often times when I actually went out, I didn't enjoy myself. I finally figured out that my earlier attempts at socialization weren't borne out of my own need for company, but out of some idea of what I *should* enjoy or want. Since then I've come to realize I'm happiest amongst a small group of people just talking or doing something low-key like that. In addition, I *need* a lot of unstructured downtime by myself at home, or I get stressed (fortunately my husband understands this). Now I'm more selective about what social activities I engage in, and I'm much happier.

I think it all boils down to understanding yourself, figuring out what you really want, realizing how your doubts and insecurities are keeping you from that, then pushing them down and making yourself happy.

*nods*

[kalibex.livejournal.com]

Good point regarding the possibility of self-judgeing due to societal 'should' memes. Hence the as always supreme importance of 'Know Thyself'.

Re: *nods*

[antikythera.livejournal.com]

Knowing thyself is hard when thyself is depressed. It seems like my brain sometimes leads me down false paths, in terms of what's good for me and what's not. Under normal circumstances I can follow my instincts (re: your other post, Bex) and trust them; e.g. if I feel like I need to spend time alone, I probably do. When I'm depressed I tend to clamshell because I think it'll make me feel better, but it ends up making things worse.

Re: *nods*

[samantha2074.livejournal.com]

Oh, totally. When I've been depressed, I have the tendency to withdraw too. In many ways I'm incapable of thinking rationally when depressed; everything acquires this unbearable negative slant.