DREAMS

[kalibex]

Stepped away from work (the lab job I had before this current one, the only job I ever had to quit from), and realized I'd left part of an experiment going too long (was at risk of being ruined). Suddenly remembered this while spending some time with this bunch of women at a coffee klatch or some such. Wasn't sure I was supposed to be there with them (in general, ie I figured I didn't know them so I didn't belong there to begin with), but was enjoying watching them do their socialization thang. I guess wishing I could fully participate. Instead, though, I just suddenly upped and walked out with no explanation. Realizing that was rude, but it was too late anyway. Heading back to my workplace in the hopes I could finish off the experiement (and maybe it wouldn't be totally ruined and/or no-one would notice).

Yeah, I guess I got major Issues about Work vs. Leisure....feeling confident in Neither. Figured I'd sleep a bit better last night than the night before as I'd gotten done another bit of the homework due next Tuesday and worth more of our grade than the first homework, but noooooo....still over-dreaming & Groggy. So it isn't about what happened that day, whether I accomplished enough, it's more about my over-all Anxieties.

Well, fucking Hurray!

And Go me.

Also Bitter about how I try to face Reality and (seem to) get Squat for my troubles...while others who won't do that seem to get (at least some of) what they need.

But I suppose in the end it's really about me having a lack of confidence and making a certain amount of cr@p choices (including who I tried to connect to, like ex BF, and others).

Comments

[drake57.livejournal.com]

Bex you're yoo hard on yourself (i know i am on myself)...if i could give you more confidence i would (and to myself also).
Wish you could see yourself as i see you...Brilliant,witty,fun to talk with,very creative and a darn nice person.

*ok i'm starting to sound like Stuart Smalley* :)