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I found myself part of a 'family' - it was not the one I grew up with - it included a mother who was not the one I'd had (and who has passed away), a younger sister, a younger brother (in real life, only had older siblings). Father, if there was one, was not in evidence. My seeing it as a 'family' might have been my way to make sense of this functional gouping. We appeared to be involved in a study (which seemed to be of public interest, and where both the organizing researchers and the general public awaited with bated breath the results) in which we were all (including my definitely pre-pubescent siblings!) 'testing' something which seemed, to me, to be a 'sex-aid'.
The exact nature of said 'sex-aid' was unclear. Was it a physical object? Possibly, though I seemed to see it at times as an 'arrow' (a symbol, with some similarity to certain astrological symbols) though that perception have been due to embarrassment or ambivalence on my part. (I certainly feel a tad bemused and self-conscious upon waking and recording this.) It's possible that this was more of a metaphor than a physical object. (I kind of hope so, especially given the inclusion of 'children' in this 'study'.)
I also got the impression that study 'drop-outs' were neither desired nor, perhaps, permitted. Not sure if this indicates some level of coercian, or merely that we were strongly encouraged to be prepared to see the whole process through once beginning; had to commit (and/or that I personally had the aforementioned ambivalence about participating).
In any case, I had the impression that this project, once embarked upon, was irreversible...would change each of us participants permanently... and that it might be that to participate was even a sort of 'sacrifice' (or service?) by this 'family' on behalf of the whole community.
There seemed to be multiple rounds of testing, and we were starting a new one. As if the 'device' were incrementally improved, based upon our feedback, then returned to us to try again. My 'younger brother' took his copy (we each got one) and examined it, giving his initial impressions, as my 'mother' then gave me mine, along with some advice. She seemed to be reassuring me, saying that past a certain point of discomfort, everything would be fine. The physical metaphor, which was how I understood it at the time, was that past a certain old injury point that might 'bleed' a bit (not extant in our reality), things would be (and feel) fine. She added that if I needed help testing this 'device' (again, metaphor for intimacy in general?), there was a special 'code word' that I could offer to anyone - anyone in the community (gender wasn't even important here)! - and they would immediately stop and help me - presumably in this very intimate way! (In which case, why did I need a physical device? Hence my thinking this was more a metaphor than simple physical object).
Somewhere around this scenario but not herself part of it, I seemed to encounter T – first becoming aware that they (T & R) had been thinking about or referring to me (I remember ‘seeing’ my full first name), then just she appeared and I did some conversing with her. She seemed to be in a bit of a tart or smartarse mood, I noted (a bit disapprovingly at the time).
No EE meditation
No biphasic sleep
The exact nature of said 'sex-aid' was unclear. Was it a physical object? Possibly, though I seemed to see it at times as an 'arrow' (a symbol, with some similarity to certain astrological symbols) though that perception have been due to embarrassment or ambivalence on my part. (I certainly feel a tad bemused and self-conscious upon waking and recording this.) It's possible that this was more of a metaphor than a physical object. (I kind of hope so, especially given the inclusion of 'children' in this 'study'.)
I also got the impression that study 'drop-outs' were neither desired nor, perhaps, permitted. Not sure if this indicates some level of coercian, or merely that we were strongly encouraged to be prepared to see the whole process through once beginning; had to commit (and/or that I personally had the aforementioned ambivalence about participating).
In any case, I had the impression that this project, once embarked upon, was irreversible...would change each of us participants permanently... and that it might be that to participate was even a sort of 'sacrifice' (or service?) by this 'family' on behalf of the whole community.
There seemed to be multiple rounds of testing, and we were starting a new one. As if the 'device' were incrementally improved, based upon our feedback, then returned to us to try again. My 'younger brother' took his copy (we each got one) and examined it, giving his initial impressions, as my 'mother' then gave me mine, along with some advice. She seemed to be reassuring me, saying that past a certain point of discomfort, everything would be fine. The physical metaphor, which was how I understood it at the time, was that past a certain old injury point that might 'bleed' a bit (not extant in our reality), things would be (and feel) fine. She added that if I needed help testing this 'device' (again, metaphor for intimacy in general?), there was a special 'code word' that I could offer to anyone - anyone in the community (gender wasn't even important here)! - and they would immediately stop and help me - presumably in this very intimate way! (In which case, why did I need a physical device? Hence my thinking this was more a metaphor than simple physical object).
Somewhere around this scenario but not herself part of it, I seemed to encounter T – first becoming aware that they (T & R) had been thinking about or referring to me (I remember ‘seeing’ my full first name), then just she appeared and I did some conversing with her. She seemed to be in a bit of a tart or smartarse mood, I noted (a bit disapprovingly at the time).
No EE meditation
No biphasic sleep