White Flag.

I give up on making gifts for anyone except for the immediate family. And right now, way I feel, don't know if I'll be able to even finish those few in time for Tuesday when I go to visit my folks. I've had neither the time nor the $, a lethal combination. I certainly have no extra money, what with no main job income coming up for a whole month due to the school's intercession; and with working extra shifts recently(essentially 14 days straight with no full day off) just to make enough to barely make it through the time off, I've had no time to get into crafts projects. I probably shouldn't have spent what I did on the small amount of extra craft material I needed just to make 5 gifts for my family, though It's a tiny fraction of past Christmas season spending.

I'm sorry, my friends...my college chum from AR (who already sent me a generous birthday gift and what will obviously be an equally generous christmas package) and her family will get nothing...my godson (son of another college chum) will get no book this year...my area friends, Neil and Beckie will get something, but more of an IOU.

Christmas Sucks when you have no money and weren't clever enough to make a bunch of stuff ahead of time. It really Sucks. This is easily my worst Christmas to date.

I can't wait for it to be over so I can stuff down the guilt and shame and try to forget it ever happened. And all because of foolish choices involving a career change made months ago which affect me negatively to this day.

Fuck this shit.

This has really been a Fuck of a year.

DREAMS

Thinking I was in France. Wandering a neighborhood. At one point, went down a narrow lane/path next to a house, squeezing past some guy whom I thought was working on a fresh-laid patch of concrete on part of the walkway, and continued to avoid rest of the the walkway proper as it was wet. Shortly thereafter I got the impression it was only wet, not all fresh, and that the man sneered at me due to my mistaken interpretation. I got that he insulted me with a French word, something I figured meant 'stupid' or 'jerk'. I said or thought the same back to him in response and told someone else after that I just gave it back to him (insult) automatically. They seemed amused/approving at my not keeping the insult but lobbing it back.

(no subject)

Why is it assumed that being told you were an 'excellent candidate' (except for not having what the person who actually got the job had) is going to make you feel better about not getting the job?

I like how they waited until a couple of days before Christmas to let me know officially that yes, I didn't make the grade. Like I didn't know already, after getting no word since the interview, weeks ago. But hey, it's always good to be reminded again!