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Knowing 'who's responsible' for something isn't the same as knowing 'who to blame'.
I haven't learned the difference yet.
I haven't learned the difference yet.
Was in a store, kind of eclectic - not a mall chain at all, more like a stand-alone, almost a 'general-store' that sold close-outs, with my dad. Store was having a summer clearance sale of some kind. When he was off looking at something else, I snagged a real bargain - a pair of the flat zorrie-style sandles, but in a black leather, similar to those I've been moderately craving for some weeks. I remember thinking they were fine , even though black and not dark brown (like a pair I've seen recently), as they'd go with everything (and I wear alot of denim). They were only like 8-10$ - a bargain anyway you looked at it, and they fit, were even a teeny bit long, yet bizarrely seemed to say '6 1/2' (as opposed to, say, '9 1/2'). When my dad returned and I realized he'd noticed my new purchase (considering my current 'poor' status, which I referenced to him in an e-mail last night), I felt I had to make excuses for my non-essential purchase (how it was really marked down, etc).
A little later I may have had more, or at least tried other stuff on - at one point I seemed to be wearing a rather bright 'peasant' style blouse - yellow with bright embroidery (not the color I'd usuallly wear). Bottom was probably either jeans or a denim skirt.
--
A few other people and I were hostages of bank robbers, whose heist in this little town was going so well that a couple of the gang split off from the main bunch (where we were) to get one more thing, maybe at the post office. That is, I took it to mean they reallyREALLY wanted an excuse to kill someone. And everyone had been cooperating so much (not challenging them, staying indoors and out of the way), that they were gonna go off and instigate someone so that they could kill them.
I was with the main bunch and my fellow hostages, kind of standing frozen, and I heard/kind of saw out of the corner of my eye that someone, maybe a couple of people, had come towards the robbers (maybe from their car) to challenge them in some way. Seemed to me it was a black fellow and his wife, and that he was suspicious of the robbers and was confronting them as a concerned citizen (almost as if he were the odd man out, hadn't realized what was going on, and the choice the rest of the townies had made to stay out of the way). And all I did was (not even turning fully to see) just kind of cringe, frozen, figuring that damn fool was about to get himself killed, and probably the rest of us (hostages), too, when the bullets started flying.
And then someone seeemd to be saying that it was all right, that the newcomer had shot a couple of the robbers or something - he seemed to have prevailed. Just before I woke, I was still too 'frozen' to turn to see exactly what was what, though.
---
Was outside, went over to a brush-bordered enclosure to see some sort of domesticated animal, maybe a horse. Not sure if I saw it or just knew it was there, lurking somewhere, perhaps drawing closer to the fence.
A bit later, thought I saw, maybe held an 'alien' (one of those big-eyed things) doll. I think, while still outside.
---
Was in a house with several other people. I seemed to have gotten, or to be temporarily with, roomates again. I think I snooped around the place some, a little perturbed at the others being there (or me being there). At one point I got a bit away from the rest, and hung up a phone that was hanging down, off its cradle. Then I felt compunction - perhaps one of the others had had someone on the line and I'd just rudely ended the call? I went and found the roomates, in a den area, and asked if one of them had been taking a call, and confessed my deed, and one man seemed to have been, but casually waved the incident off. I then felt miffed, as he'd had the phone off the hook for apparently little to no reason...
A little later I may have had more, or at least tried other stuff on - at one point I seemed to be wearing a rather bright 'peasant' style blouse - yellow with bright embroidery (not the color I'd usuallly wear). Bottom was probably either jeans or a denim skirt.
--
A few other people and I were hostages of bank robbers, whose heist in this little town was going so well that a couple of the gang split off from the main bunch (where we were) to get one more thing, maybe at the post office. That is, I took it to mean they reallyREALLY wanted an excuse to kill someone. And everyone had been cooperating so much (not challenging them, staying indoors and out of the way), that they were gonna go off and instigate someone so that they could kill them.
I was with the main bunch and my fellow hostages, kind of standing frozen, and I heard/kind of saw out of the corner of my eye that someone, maybe a couple of people, had come towards the robbers (maybe from their car) to challenge them in some way. Seemed to me it was a black fellow and his wife, and that he was suspicious of the robbers and was confronting them as a concerned citizen (almost as if he were the odd man out, hadn't realized what was going on, and the choice the rest of the townies had made to stay out of the way). And all I did was (not even turning fully to see) just kind of cringe, frozen, figuring that damn fool was about to get himself killed, and probably the rest of us (hostages), too, when the bullets started flying.
And then someone seeemd to be saying that it was all right, that the newcomer had shot a couple of the robbers or something - he seemed to have prevailed. Just before I woke, I was still too 'frozen' to turn to see exactly what was what, though.
---
Was outside, went over to a brush-bordered enclosure to see some sort of domesticated animal, maybe a horse. Not sure if I saw it or just knew it was there, lurking somewhere, perhaps drawing closer to the fence.
A bit later, thought I saw, maybe held an 'alien' (one of those big-eyed things) doll. I think, while still outside.
---
Was in a house with several other people. I seemed to have gotten, or to be temporarily with, roomates again. I think I snooped around the place some, a little perturbed at the others being there (or me being there). At one point I got a bit away from the rest, and hung up a phone that was hanging down, off its cradle. Then I felt compunction - perhaps one of the others had had someone on the line and I'd just rudely ended the call? I went and found the roomates, in a den area, and asked if one of them had been taking a call, and confessed my deed, and one man seemed to have been, but casually waved the incident off. I then felt miffed, as he'd had the phone off the hook for apparently little to no reason...
How to get me to have a startle response, #14:
Bowl shifts in the dish drainer with a loud CLANK.
How to get me to have a startle response, #19:
Cat slaps a paw onto my foot while I'm on the computer (as is her wont to get my attention), this time claws slightly extended.
How to get me to have a startle response, #35:
Leave several of those flesh-colored bottom parts, the legs from store window mannequins, lying stacked like cordwood in the back of your pick-up truck where my gaze accidentally falls upon them as I'm passing by.
That amazing (not in a good way) feeling of being so cotton-wool headed...and yet to feel that SPIKE of startlement, a sensation in your chest...is like being insulated from the full effect - yet you sure notice that adrenaline spike. Well weird. It's like this 'WHOOOOMPH' of sensation that in a sense I noticed more because of the 'disconnect'.
And all this from unsettled (inconsistent) sleep-habits and a depressive trough during the past couple of days. And a % of my dreams having disturbing images. Go figure.
Is 'just stress'. Just stress. Just stress.
Bowl shifts in the dish drainer with a loud CLANK.
How to get me to have a startle response, #19:
Cat slaps a paw onto my foot while I'm on the computer (as is her wont to get my attention), this time claws slightly extended.
How to get me to have a startle response, #35:
Leave several of those flesh-colored bottom parts, the legs from store window mannequins, lying stacked like cordwood in the back of your pick-up truck where my gaze accidentally falls upon them as I'm passing by.
That amazing (not in a good way) feeling of being so cotton-wool headed...and yet to feel that SPIKE of startlement, a sensation in your chest...is like being insulated from the full effect - yet you sure notice that adrenaline spike. Well weird. It's like this 'WHOOOOMPH' of sensation that in a sense I noticed more because of the 'disconnect'.
And all this from unsettled (inconsistent) sleep-habits and a depressive trough during the past couple of days. And a % of my dreams having disturbing images. Go figure.
Is 'just stress'. Just stress. Just stress.
.