Yup, I was somewhat 'emotionally intimate' with those (ex) friends... and look what it got me. Well, it got me someting at the time, but now it's over. Now I have to go find something to replace it with...pain in the d@mned @ss. While they have each other as roomates, for their daily real-world support. So maybe they feel bad about what happened, rejected, betrayed, whatever. They're still all set. Got each others' shoulder to cry on, haven't they?
Not that I don't have support...but there's something about knowing they are there in each others' daily 3D life that just...drives me up the wall. Is it any wonder I'm a tad Bitter? (Not to mention self-pitying.) Such huge envy probably means I'm not the type who does well living alone.
What a fun and drawn-out way of finding that particular fact out. Yee-F*cking-Haw.
I don't think it's a coincidence that I took up with them just as my relationship with a fellow was drawing to a close. (Can you say. 'rebound relationship', kiddies? Sure...sure you can...)
That's not to say it wasn't good at the time, giving us all desperately needed support. But like I said, over now. Now I have to actually stretch and grow, risk reaching out to new people. Maybe date again, with all the emotional discomfort and examination of self that can entail. Like I said, pain in the d@mned @ss.
Actually, a lot of my anger towards the 'exs' is displaced anger at myself. Like the saying goes, suddenly seeing stuff we don't like about ourselves manifesting in others. (And the similarities in how we were dealing with the world part of what drew us together in the first place.)
But you know what? Some of it isn't displaced anger. ^_^
S
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