Oh, and...

[kalibex]

...I screwed up at work again. Put some cells in a plate that was supposed to have been saved for something being seeded this Thursday. Though with all the exp'ts and plates I'm currently juggling, not the most unexpected mistake.

I'm just disappointed. Real, real disappointed.

You see, my depression is definitely affecting my work in a negative way now. It's the fuzzy-headed concentration problems (and memory problems, and energy issues) that accompnay it. I thought I had it under control (barely), and did a sh*t-load of work today...but still something ended up f*cked up.

Who knows, maybe it won't have totally ruined the exp't. I can hope. I'll find out tommorrow, when I inform my boss.

Fun thing to look forward to first thing in the work day. Telling your boss you f*cked up.

She's a mere month and a half away from maternity leave. I'm sure she'd be just thrilled if she knew how I'm starting to flake out on her.

Just as well I have that doctor's app't tommorrow....huh?

Comments

[warinbabylon.livejournal.com]

I'm scared of the icon. :( Hang in there.

[kalibex.livejournal.com]

I will, don't worry. I went and exercised tonight, and bought some groceries, and would have even done some schoolwork at the library (except I didn't know it closed early due to Spring Break hours). But I'm still gamely trudging forward. Is the point.

I just...I really don't want it to get any worse. My functioning, I mean. Has been worse in the past. My mistake at work today is far from the end of the world - but it's an ill, ill omen. It means I'm having trouble keeping all the details straight, keeping an eye on the over-all picture.

I also grabbed a tube of some stuff that I had to aliquot in smaller amts and freeze - one of two similar tubes in an ice bucket...and had aliquoted it and popped it in the freezer before I noticed...I'd mislabled it. I'd grabbed the wrong tube. Obviously I found out and fixed it...but ...that scared the sh*t out of me. That's the depression. That's the sleeping 8 hours and still waking up feeling like sh*t and having trouble getting going and concentrating.

I feel quite crappy sometimes while at work, and I suspect I look pretty damned fatigued and morose...and I wonder if she has noticed (but hasn't yet obviously probed to see if she can find out why).

I don't deserve to feel this way...but even less does my very nice and fair boss deserve to have a flakey employee screwing up her exp'ts. I'm there to move her projects along...not be an incompetent, dragging anchor.

[warinbabylon.livejournal.com]

HUGS!

[samantha2074.livejournal.com]

I know how that feels. I'm glad you're going to the doctor's, and I hope you find something that helps you.

[antikythera.livejournal.com]

Explain to your boss why you've been having trouble. Let her know that you're about to start treatment for depression, that it's been affecting your concentration and such, and you're getting medical opinions on what's to be done about it.

You're not using it as an excuse. If you weren't getting help, maybe it could be seen that way, because you'd be keeping it around. But you're getting help because you want things to change. She can't fault you for that.