kalibex: (Default)
( Jul. 5th, 2017 07:21 am)
Interior Wanderings.  Got into an elevator in a building, going up to what I thought was my job.  However, it was a 'laboratory', not my current job at all. Got the impression, possibly from some of the other people who were about, that I may have been going up 'early', but still went up. It might have been my 'first day'. I began my usual confused, vaguely anxious wanderings, feeling that I was already behind schedule, that I really needed to get going, get work done, stay organized, and so, keep up with my boss's expectations. Except, I was having trouble even finding our lab bay, as I was wandering the usual laboratory complex labyrinth.  Also, fairly as usual, I didn't think to ask bystanders exactly where it was I needed to go to get back to our area, possibly as that would twig them to the fact that I wasn't in complete control and knew what I was doing...? (Imposter Syndrome, apparently, writ large.)

Somewhat unusually, this time, a man, who appeared to be my boss, approached and interacted with me directly.  Also less usually, he was black (I recall inside noting that this was the 1st time I'd had a person of color as a boss). He crouched or briefly knelt down (I also noted this action as...different than the usual), and expressed to me (not necessarily verbally) a combination of the following: He was my 'boss' (or possibly - I was the person who had come to work with/for him)/Welcome/He seemed glad to see that I was aware of how the work being done there could be difficult/challenging/important.  Looking back at it, it was almost as if he were trying to make me feel better (or less bad) about my anxiety about the 'work'. Or possibly, to 'normalize' my anxiety (but so I wouldn't feel anxious about feeling anxious - if that makes sense). Perhaps an attempt to compliment me for caring so much or something.  I had automatically lowered myself a bit so we were both doing the same crouch or kneeling move, but as he got up again, I did so also, but, missing that familiar gesture of handshake, kind of automatically reached for his hand to shake it. On the order of 'Where's my handshake?  There's supposed to be a handshake.' He gave off an impression of not expecting that, but went along with it (i.e., didn't protest or pull away) as we got up.  Then he continued forward on his way and I went forward on my way, still worrying...

*    *    *

After an early morning waking/pitstop, slept and dreamt again.  This time, was in a complex that felt to my more like my current workplace (possibly due to feeling like my (female) boss was around).  I was poking through some clothing, trying some of it on, I think - not my usual workplace duty.  I got the impression that I was told some of it had my mother's...though I started to twig to the fact that might not have been the case, as some sandals (bright bue-green, with ties that you would wind around your ankles) that I tried seemed to fit me - and we didn't have the same size feet. Another item, a little jacket or shirt hitting at the waistline in back but with some longer points coming down in front, seemed to be a double-cloth, reversible item - beige or taupe/blue-green. Needless to say, none of it was anything that I recall that my mother had worn in Real Life™.


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